What big babies are really crying about.
"No one understands
what the hardcore
really into," they
not sexual misfits,
just adult infants."
For years I thought I was sick
...that I was the only one," says
Larry T., a big, hairy-chested accoun-
tant. "Then one day, while looking
through one of those sex letter maga-
zines, I happened on a letter written by a
guy who actually admitted he enjoyed
wearing diapers and dressing as a
Larry isn't alone. There are thou-
sands of adults, mostly males, into in-
fantilism. I'm sure you've heard that
line before. Almost every letter pub-
lished in contemporary magazines deal-
ing with infantilism begins, "I never
thought there were others like me..." "I
thought I was emotionally ill..." and so
In clinical terminology, "infantilism"
is a psychological affectation in which
one gets sexual stimulus by behaving
like or being treated as an infant. Any
psychologist could tell you about it.
Freud wrote about it. But how do the
thousands of practicing "big babies"
satisfy their desire to return to their
Having been actively involved in this
particular fetish for several years, I'm
very familiar with the isolation and al-
ienation felt by infantilists.
"I was so afraid to mention my de-
sires to my lover," says Rayond G.
"Everytime I wore my diapers I felt
guilty and disgusted with myself. I
would be too ashamed to mention it to
Here is the common problem shared
by big babies. You can walk into an adult
bookstore and see publications dealing
with bondage, watersports, dominance
and submission--just about everything
except infantilism. There have been a
few publications in the past, but pub-
lishers who put these books out have
certain misconceptions about "big
babies." That is why some of these publications
have been major disappointments for infantilists.
For some reason,
it is believed that all "big babies" are
into enemas and watersports.
"Jesus Christ!" says Larry T., "I
don't know why they think we're into
golden showers or enemas! I'm 30-
years-old and I've never had an enema.
When I was a baby, I know my mother
never gave me one. And just because I
use diapers for their intended purpose
doesn't mean I want my partner to uri-
nate on me. I'm not interested in any of
There are also some who erroneously
believe that "big babies" desire female
domination and heavy humiliation. It's
true that female attention is a big part of
the scene, but in the form of tender,
maternal affection, not being kicked,
whipped or stretched out on a rack.
"Outsiders have the wrong idea about
what turns us on," explains Raymond
G., as he discusses the few times he
tried to satisfy his big baby desires
through telephone sex. "I told the lady I
was into being treated like a baby with
the diapers and all. She said she under-
stood. Then, she calls me back (after
they've charged 30 bucks on my credit
card) and says something like, "Hi, okay
I've put you in diapers. Now get down
on your knees and eat mommy's pussy.
Stick your tongue in my hot cunt! Ohhh,
"About that time I interrupted her,
'What about my diapers?' I ask. So she
says, 'Okay, I'm changing your diapers.
Oh, baby's cock is so big! Is baby gonna
fuck his mommy?'
"What a big baby really wants to hear
is a tender, maternal voice. We're really
into the tactile sensations, too. I'd really
enjoy hearing how a woman would rub
baby lotion and powder all over me,
then, take a soft, thick diaper, pull it
between my legs and pin it snugly
around my waist and put a pair of rubber
baby panties on over the diaper.
"Sure, I enjoy regular sex," continues
Raymond, "but when I'm in a 'baby
mood,' I don’t wanna fuck and I sure
don't wanna do it with my mother!"
So why would a grown, adult want to
act like a small infant?
"I' ve found several reasons why they
wish to return to their infancy," explains
Dr. Bryon Lindermann, a PhD in para-
psychology. "Many have very poor self-
images and wish to return to a time when
everything they did was accepted and
they were loved, no matter what.
"For example, just look at what hap-
pens anytime a baby is introduced into a
group of adults. The women flock to it,
they all want to hold it, cuddle and fuss
over it. If an infant urinates or defecates,
the act is not regarded with revulsion or
disdain. The child is lovingly changed
into fresh diapers and feels no guilt or
"Some men are looking for love they
never had as a child by more or less
reliving their childhood. Perhaps some
were bedwetters and forced to wear di-
apers to bed into early adolescence.
They may have even experienced their
first pleasurable sexual sensations in the
course of a diaper-change or while soil-
ing their diapers.
"Hardcore infantilists usually have
problems with their partners," adds Dr.
Lindermann. "It is the rare individual
who will tolerate such infantile behavior
for any extended period. I've had some
patients who would just as soon dress in
diapers and be treated as an infant in-
stead of engaging in normal adult, sex-
ual relations. This leaves the 'parent-
partner' unsatisfied and frustrated. This
either results in termination of the rela-
tionship or the infantilist must supress
his baby-self. This usually brings
about resentment and damages the
"If the infantilist wishes to continue
enjoying his fetish and maintain a stable
relationship, he must learn to keep his
affectation in perspective. He must nur-
ture his relationship by satisfying the
needs of his partner, as well as pursuing
I asked the doctor why there are so
many more men than women into
"Society is largely to blame for this,"
he says. "A male child is forced to as-
similate masculine role models very
early in life. There's a lot of pressure on
the male child to be a 'big boy' and not
to cry. Many adult babies will be strong,
stoic and emotionless in public, yet will
be capable of tenderness and vul-
nerability once they are in their diapers
and behaving like a baby."
"On the other hand, look at females
in today's society. Although they are
more aware and liberated than ever he-
fore, they are allowed many luxuries
infantilists crave. Women can publicly
purchase cuddly, ‘bunny’' pajamas with
the feet in them. They can cry, display
emotion in public. Their clothing can
have names like 'babydoll pajamas,'
booties and panties. It is not unaccept-
able for females to keep stuffed animals
well into their adult years. Men can en-
joy none of this; it's a social taboo."
So how do big babies get satisfaction?
It's tough because they're subject to
ripoffs in just about every market.
"Those glossy, six-and-seven dollar,
skin mags that claim to be the magazine
for big babies were really junk!" com-
plains Larry T. "They're just fuck books
that show a lot of beaver shots and stiff
cocks. They think their books appeal to
infantilists just because they'll throw a
carelessly pinned-on diaper on a model
or show some dude drinking out of a
" I' ve bought four of that kind of book
from the same publisher. All of them
rehash the same pictures; they just print
them with different, idiotic stories."
Many infantilists turn to Cathy at In-
fantae Press (P.O. Box 12466, Seattle
WA 98111) for books. They really are
quite good and have a lot of appeal for
big babies. I asked Cathy why her books
are so popular.
"I suppose it's because I use many
reader-written stories and original art-
work," says the publisher. "We put it
together very professionally and we're
prompt and discreet." Tales from the
Crib, Play Pen Magazine and the Adults
in Babyland Directory are just a few of
the titles available from the Seattle
Many who wish to "dress the part" go
to hospital supply stores in their quest
for diapers and protective, waterproof
panties. There are several brands of in-
continence pants available and many
look like real baby pants. All will keep a
large sized baby "socially acceptable."
Diapers are available too. Curity, the
famous manufacturer of infant diapers,
makes an adult sized diaper, but these
are really hard to find.
Now it takes a lot of nerve to go into a
hospital supply store and ask for diapers
and plastic panties. What do you say
when the clerk asks who they're for?
"Uh, er, ah, they're for my elderly
grandfather," right? Also, many of these
places will try to sell you the "new and
modern" disposables (giant-sized Pam-
pers) and pitch you like a used-car sales-
man. "They're so convenient and you
don't have to launder them," they'll say.
Most hardcore infantilists feel pretty
much the same way, when they were
babies they wore cloth diapers with wa-
terproof, rubber or plastic panties. Dis-
posables are a product of the 70s and
most of the big babies I know were
grown (or at least toilet trained) by then.
There are lots of places that advertise
big baby clothes. Some are fair to good
and some are genuine ripoffs. It's like
everything else, though, you pay your
money and you take your chances. I've
heard good things about "Mommy Car-
olyn" (Wardrobes by Carolyn, P.O. Box
183, Melrose, Mass. 02176). Why? Be-
cause she's fast and eager to please.
She'll even arrange a fitting for custom-
ers who visit her shop.
There are even clubs for "adult
babies." The Diaper Pail Fraternity has
been around for years and boasts almost
a thousand members (D.P.F Suite 457,
Sutter St., San Francisco CA). Adult
Baby World put out by N.K. Products
(P.O. Box 1184, Teaneck N.J. 07666)
also has quite a large membership.
Of course, Nugget has always been a
good forum for big babies. More and
more frequently, tales of diapered adults
and related subject matter have graced
their pages. Their classifieds provide
means of meeting and corresponding
with infantilists. I had to laugh when a
renowned California skin mag recently
did an "exclusive" feature on the "new"
fetish of infantilism. Nugget really was
the first national magazine to lead the
way years ago.
Anyway, people are becoming more
aware of this unique fetish and, in the
future, it will become the subject of
many more essays and stories. But the
important thing to remember is, if your
idea of a turn-on is going "beddie-bye"
with your bottle and dressed in diapers
and rubber panties, you're not alone.