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» » How I Came To Love My ABs « «
This is the story of how I came to love my AB. About 25 years or so ago, I lived in Phoenix. I lived with a guy named Bryan. Now Bryan was the sweetest man I have ever known in my life. He treated me so well, I have never known another person to ever treat me so special. He would bring me flowers for no reason. Call to tell me he loved me, he had a good job, drove a nice car and we had a really nice apartment together. I would have to say that life back then was as close to perfect as can be! ( but then again being 25 years younger then I am now makes just about every memory of back then just about perfect hahah)
Now comes the “strange” part. ( I say strange because I had no idea what AB was back then!) I had been away for a few days to visit my family in Il. Well you know u can chose your friends but not your family, things weren’t going all that well, and after a particularly harsh family fight, I decided to go ahead and leave that nite. I didn’t bother to call Bryan and tell him that I was coming home, I just took a cab from Sky Harbor airport. Well I walked in all was quiet, I called out for him and I got no response. So I went to the bedroom and got the shock of my life! There on top of the red comforter lied my 30 yr old boyfriend in a CLOTH DIAPER complete with the rubber pants! I stopped in my tracks and my exact words I do believe were, “What the fuck are you doing?! “ He jumped off the bed and said “Oh my god Doris, what are you doing home?” I just stood there in complete shock. I had never seen anything like this in my entire life! Once I had decided that this wasn’t some hallucination I just turned around and walked out of the room. I didn’t know what to think or what to do. That actually shocked me, and I am a person that doesn’t shock easily. I remember walking to the living room and sitting down on the couch.
By that time Bryan had gotten dressed
in a pair of regular boxers and come out in the room with me.
“babe” he said “we really need to talk.” At this point I
wasn’t ready to talk about what I had just seen, and I told him
flat out that he had a problem and needed serious help! I grabbed
my keys and walked out of the house. Bryan followed me to the door
begging me “Doris, stop please! I love you and we need to
talk!” I remember saying that I needed to get out of there for a
while and give me time to think.
I drove to Angela’s house, it was on the other side of town so it took me a few minutes to get there. While I drove, I remember thinking about Bryan and how I kept feeling that there was something seriously wrong with him. I also kept thinking that maybe it was MY fault somehow. Did I do something to drive him to this? Was I not doing something right? Was I doing everything wrong? What could make a grown man wear diapers? I knew he didn’t have any medical problems, so that wasn’t what this was about. And I knew that even if he did have medical problems I loved him enough to deal with anything that came along.
I finally got to Angela’s house, she lived in really beautiful apartment, it was far back off of any main streets in a very quiet neighborhood. I remember the 1st time I had ever been there, I was so in love with her apartment. Wide open floor plans, large kitchen, loft bedroom and private bath. Also a great view of Squaw Peak. I rang the doorbell, and thank god she was home that nite! She answered the door took one look at me and said “Jesus Doris, what the hell happened to you! I walked in and sat down on the couch. “Did you want something to drink? You look like you could use a shot or two!” I just nodded.
She came back with my drink, sat down across from me and asked, “Doris, what the matter? What happened? You look like you just saw a ghost!”
I just sat there for a minute or 2 trying to think how to tell her this one, Yes she was my best friend, and I told her everything, but even best friends have limits! I mean if she came to me with something like that I don’t know how I would’ve handled it.
I sat there for who knows how long and I finally looked her in the eyes and told her exactly what had happened, I was amazed as she just sat there listening to everything. Not one time no matter what I had told her did she show any judgment, which to this day I am thankful for. She just sat quietly and let it all come out. Once I had told my tale of woe and shock, she didn’t say anything for a minute. Angela took a sip of her drink and then looked me dead in the eye and said, “well 1st of all it could be much much worse,”
I just sat there in dumbfounded silence, mouth hanging open, “how could it get be any worse?” I asked. She gave me that one smirk that she always gets and then proceeds to be her smart ass self, “well you could’ve come home to him doing another woman with a donkey or 2 thrown in for added excitement!”
I just looked at her then I started to laugh at that picture in my head, I know it sounds so stupid but it did make me laugh. I remember saying “look bitch, what would you do if you came home to that?”
Angela again thank god was a psychologist, and said once again, “Theres much worse things then this Doris, believe me there is.” Again I didn’t say anything, I just looked at her. Then Angela asked, “ Do you love Bryan?” “Yes, with all my heart” was my reply. “Well then, you need to be quiet and listen to me now.”
Angela began to explain to me that what Bryan was doing wasn’t necessarily wrong. It was what she called a fetish, and that all fetishes are not bad. This particular fetish was more of reminder of a time in his life where he didn’t have to worry about anything at all. It was more of a comfort to him then anything else. “But why is he doing this?” I asked. “Whats the matter with him that makes him want to wear a diaper for god sake? Is there something that I am doing wrong?” “NO” was Angela’s reply, “this has nothing to do with you at all, this is not your fault whatsoever! This is something that is totally Bryan’s Yes its different from what most people would consider ‘normal’ but hes not sick or disturbed or anything of the sort. As I said this is more of a comfort thing with him, it’s a reminder of more innocent times when life was good and there was nothing but love, there was none of the problems and sorrows of grown up life.” I sat there in silence thinking about what she had just told me. “Think about this as his way of dealing with things, when things get hard on you, you like to go for a hike or take a long bath and relax and just let things go. With him he needs to go back to a time where things weren’t so bad and everything was as simple as being loved and cared for. You yourself keep reminders of when you were a child right? Ive seen the pictures that you keep and Ive seen some of the stuffed animals from your childhood, hell Ive even seen that you kept the very 1st baby quilt that your mom made for you. These are all things that bring you comfort and remind you of a happier time, right? Well think of Bryan’s wearing a diaper as HIS reminder of a happier time as well. If you really sit back and think about it, does it seem so terrible to you? Really think about this now Doris.”
As I sat on the couch, taking in all her words I began to really think about it, part of me understood I really truly did, but another part of me was thinking that it was just so strange! “ But its just so weird Angela, I mean how can a grown person actually want to wear a diaper? How do I even deal with this kinda thing? If he was sick and had to wear a diaper then I could deal with that, but to me this is just odd.” I sighed, and sank back on the couch. “Angela can I stay here tonite, please? I just cant go home and deal with all this right now.” Angela assured me that I could stay there that nite and if I needed to stay a couple days to get my head straight that would be fine.
Bryan had called to see if I had was there by this time, which of course he knew that’s where I would end up. We talked for a minute and I told him that I would be home tomorrow and that I loved him. “we really need to talk babe,” he said, “ I want you to know everything and I want to tell you why I do what I do and I hope that you still love me” “Bryan I do still love you, I will always love you but let me have a little time ok? I will see you later on, goodnite”
I hung up the phone and started crying.
Angela came over and gave me a big hug and said to me, “Doris calm down like I said just really think about what Ive told you, its not that big of a problem. There are much worse things that some one can have a fetish for, and this isn’t the end of the world, if you can just be open enough to understand it and loving enough to accept it, then you and Bryan can work this out!”
Angela and I talked for most of the nite. By the time she went to bed I had gotten to the point of thinking that maybe if we talked about this and he explained exactly why he did this and what it was about it that made him feel so good that if I could understand it, then maybe I could live with it.
When I got home the next nite, Bryan was waiting for me with my favorite white roses and a bottle of my favorite perfume that I had been too busy to get to the store for myself. “Aww thank you baby” I said. “Well I guess its time we talked huh?” said Bryan. “I guess so,” I said as I sat down.
“Well, why don’t you tell me what this is all about? Why do you do this? And why havent you told me this before?” Bryan just sat next to me in silence for a minute, finally he said, “Dory, why do you think I never said anything to you about this? Look how you reacted when you walked in on me? I have had this thing for diapers basically since I can remember, Ive always loved the feeling of diapers, it always makes me think of being taken care of and loved. I also love the sounds the plastic makes and I love the feel of the cloth on my skin. Ive never said anything to you because the last person I actually opened up to and told called me a ‘fucking freak’ and told me that I was a ‘closet perv and probably liked little kids’ , do you honestly think that I like to molest little kids? Do you think that I am a freak? Have I ever done anything to you to make you distrust me? Or to think that I don’t love and accept you for everything that you are?” I just looked at him, I didn’t want to say anything to make him regret telling me how he honestly felt. “Dory baby, I love you so much and I was so scared that if I told you about this that you would hate me and leave me, I don’t ever want to lose you. But I also have to tell you the truth and let you know about this because its part of who I am, and I cant lie to you anymore. I love you and I want to be with you, but in order for me to be myself I have to let you know about this and I hope that you can understand and I pray that you wont leave me and wont find me repulsive or sick hate me for it!”
I sat there looking into his gorgeous green eyes, I saw the hurt and the pain, and I knew that I was part of that pain in him, I felt horrible for doing that to him, “Bryan, I love you, yes I was shocked to walk in and find my boyfriend lying on the bed in a damn diaper! And yes I admit when I left I was wondering if you were in fact a freak, or sick in the head! I mean seriously, what kinda person wants to wear diapers that doesn’t have to?” I said. “ But when I left I also felt that I didn’t want to leave you and I felt horrible at the thought of not being with you again. You better kiss Angela’s ass for talking some sense into me last nite babe. She explained a whole lot to me and made some of this make sense. I don’t understand it all and I still need to hear from you about all of this but she did make it so I can understand it a little more.”
“what do you want to know?” he asked. “Angela told me this is more about feelings of comfort and a way to remember a time in your life where things were nothing but being happy and cared for, she kinda compared it to me, when I am upset going for a hike or taking one of my long baths or even the pictures and memories I have of when I was a child and didn’t have to worry about anything except being loved and cared for.” “Exactly” he said, “for me its more of a comfort thing, I am not totally into being a complete baby, but then again Ive never been with some one willing to try this with me and baby me. I don’t know how you really feel about all of this Dory, but this is my thing, I want you to be able to accept this and be able to at least deal with it if you cant do this with me, and by doing this with me baby I don’t mean you wearing diapers and all that as well I mean trying to go along with it and not thinking badly of me and maybe actually one day once in a while baby me a little bit.”
“ I don’t know,” I said, “When you say you want me to baby you, do you want me to be like your mommy? Am I gonna have to be mommy to you all the time? I want a grown man not a baby, Or will this be more of a once in a while silly fun thing? I don’t see myself caring for you as a baby all the time, yes I love you and yes I am willing to give it a try, but only if you are willing to meet me halfway and if I honestly cant stand it then you have to understand that its not something that I can do with you. I guess what I am trying to say is that because I love you I am willing to try it out.” I will never forget the look on his face when I said that, he got the biggest smile I have ever seen and the love in his eyes for me at that moment made me realize that I would try just about anything for him because I knew he loved me as much as I loved him. “Dory, god I love you, I cant believe that you actually love me enough to be willing to try this for me! “ “Bryan,” I said, “You love me enough to put up with all my weird quirks and my insecurities, I guess now its time for me to show you how much I love you too, but the one thing I want to make clear is that I am willing to try this with you, but I want you to know that if I cant handle it, we will try to work that out as well, even if you just have to wear diapers once in a while and I just not worry about it. Can we agree on that?” Bryan smiled at me again, and said “ Baby, I would never want you to do anything that made you feel uncomfortable, I am just so happy that you’re willing to try, and if for some reason you don’t like it then we will be able to work something out, I love ya too much not to work with you!”
Little by little with some help from Angela and a lot of trust between each other we began to incorporate his love of diapers into our lives. Bryan was not the total AB, he loved his diapers and he loved me to baby him sometimes, but he would not go as far as to wet or mess his diapers. Some days he would get into a mood where he really wanted me to go all out and be a total mommy to him, which I will admit at 1st was weird to me. But as time went on I grew to actually love taking care of him more and more.
Bryan passed away 3 years later, we found out that he had cancer, by the time we knew it was too late. I took care of him till the day he died, by the end he was wearing diapers because he had to, and I was caring for him as if he were a baby. Maybe in some strange way, my learning about his love of diapers prepared me to take care of him this way as well. I don’t know, but I can honestly say that I now have a love of AB’s and DL’s and now every time I talk to one or actually take care of one I can still hear my Bryan telling me how much he loves me and how happy he was that I actually gave him a chance.
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