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» » What Big Babies Are Really Crying About « «
"No one understands what the hardcore infantilist is really into," they complain. "We're not sexual misfits, just adult infants."
For years I thought I was sick ...that I was the only one," says Larry T., a big, hairy-chested accoun- tant. "Then one day, while looking through one of those sex letter maga- zines, I happened on a letter written by a guy who actually admitted he enjoyed wearing diapers and dressing as a baby!" Larry isn't alone. There are thou- sands of adults, mostly males, into in- fantilism. I'm sure you've heard that line before. Almost every letter pub- lished in contemporary magazines deal- ing with infantilism begins, "I never thought there were others like me..." "I thought I was emotionally ill..." and so On.
In clinical terminology, "infantilism" is a psychological affectation in which one gets sexual stimulus by behaving like or being treated as an infant. Any psychologist could tell you about it. Freud wrote about it. But how do the thousands of practicing "big babies" satisfy their desire to return to their babyhood?
Having been actively involved in this particular fetish for several years, I'm very familiar with the isolation and al- ienation felt by infantilists. "I was so afraid to mention my de- sires to my lover," says Rayond G. "Everytime I wore my diapers I felt guilty and disgusted with myself. I would be too ashamed to mention it to anyone else.''
Here is the common problem shared by big babies. You can walk into an adult bookstore and see publications dealing with bondage, watersports, dominance and submission--just about everything except infantilism. There have been a few publications in the past, but pub- lishers who put these books out have certain misconceptions about "big babies." That is why some of these publications have been major disappointments for infantilists. For some reason, it is believed that all "big babies" are into enemas and watersports.
"Jesus Christ!" says Larry T., "I don't know why they think we're into golden showers or enemas! I'm 30- years-old and I've never had an enema. When I was a baby, I know my mother never gave me one. And just because I use diapers for their intended purpose doesn't mean I want my partner to uri- nate on me. I'm not interested in any of that shit!"
There are also some who erroneously believe that "big babies" desire female domination and heavy humiliation. It's true that female attention is a big part of the scene, but in the form of tender, maternal affection, not being kicked, whipped or stretched out on a rack. "Outsiders have the wrong idea about what turns us on," explains Raymond G., as he discusses the few times he tried to satisfy his big baby desires through telephone sex. "I told the lady I was into being treated like a baby with the diapers and all. She said she under- stood. Then, she calls me back (after they've charged 30 bucks on my credit card) and says something like, "Hi, okay I've put you in diapers. Now get down on your knees and eat mommy's pussy. Stick your tongue in my hot cunt! Ohhh, I'm coming!" "About that time I interrupted her, 'What about my diapers?' I ask. So she says, 'Okay, I'm changing your diapers. Oh, baby's cock is so big! Is baby gonna fuck his mommy?' "What a big baby really wants to hear is a tender, maternal voice. We're really into the tactile sensations, too. I'd really enjoy hearing how a woman would rub baby lotion and powder all over me, then, take a soft, thick diaper, pull it between my legs and pin it snugly around my waist and put a pair of rubber baby panties on over the diaper.
"Sure, I enjoy regular sex," continues Raymond, "but when I'm in a 'baby mood,' I don’t wanna fuck and I sure don't wanna do it with my mother!" So why would a grown, adult want to act like a small infant? "I' ve found several reasons why they wish to return to their infancy," explains Dr. Bryon Lindermann, a PhD in para- psychology. "Many have very poor self- images and wish to return to a time when everything they did was accepted and they were loved, no matter what. "For example, just look at what hap- pens anytime a baby is introduced into a group of adults. The women flock to it, they all want to hold it, cuddle and fuss over it. If an infant urinates or defecates, the act is not regarded with revulsion or disdain. The child is lovingly changed into fresh diapers and feels no guilt or shame.
"Some men are looking for love they never had as a child by more or less reliving their childhood. Perhaps some were bedwetters and maked to wear di- apers to bed into early adolescence. They may have even experienced their first pleasurable sexual sensations in the course of a diaper-change or while soil- ing their diapers. "Hardcore infantilists usually have problems with their partners," adds Dr. Lindermann. "It is the rare individual who will tolerate such infantile behavior for any extended period. I've had some patients who would just as soon dress in diapers and be treated as an infant in- stead of engaging in normal adult, sex- ual relations. This leaves the 'parent- partner' unsatisfied and frustrated. This either results in termination of the rela- tionship or the infantilist must supress his baby-self. This usually brings about resentment and damages the relationship.
"If the infantilist wishes to continue enjoying his fetish and maintain a stable relationship, he must learn to keep his affectation in perspective. He must nur- ture his relationship by satisfying the needs of his partner, as well as pursuing infantile interests." I asked the doctor why there are so many more men than women into infantilism . "Society is largely to blame for this," he says. "A male child is maked to as- similate masculine role models very early in life. There's a lot of pressure on the male child to be a 'big boy' and not to cry. Many adult babies will be strong, stoic and emotionless in public, yet will be capable of tenderness and vul- nerability once they are in their diapers and behaving like a baby." "On the other hand, look at females in today's society. Although they are more aware and liberated than ever he- fore, they are allowed many luxuries infantilists crave. Women can publicly purchase cuddly, ‘bunny’' pajamas with the feet in them. They can cry, display emotion in public. Their clothing can have names like 'babydoll pajamas,' booties and panties. It is not unaccept- able for females to keep stuffed animals well into their adult years. Men can en- joy none of this; it's a social taboo." So how do big babies get satisfaction? It's tough because they're subject to ripoffs in just about every market. "Those glossy, six-and-seven dollar, skin mags that claim to be the magazine for big babies were really junk!" com- plains Larry T. "They're just fuck books that show a lot of beaver shots and stiff cocks. They think their books appeal to infantilists just because they'll throw a carelessly pinned-on diaper on a model or show some dude drinking out of a baby bottle.
" I' ve bought four of that kind of book from the same publisher. All of them rehash the same pictures; they just print them with different, idiotic stories." Many infantilists turn to Cathy at In- fantae Press (P.O. Box 12466, Seattle WA 98111) for books. They really are quite good and have a lot of appeal for big babies. I asked Cathy why her books are so popular. "I suppose it's because I use many reader-written stories and original art- work," says the publisher. "We put it together very professionally and we're prompt and discreet." Tales from the Crib, Play Pen Magazine and the Adults in Babyland Directory are just a few of the titles available from the Seattle company.
Many who wish to "dress the part" go to hospital supply stores in their quest for diapers and protective, waterproof panties. There are several brands of in- continence pants available and many look like real baby pants. All will keep a large sized baby "socially acceptable." Diapers are available too. Curity, the famous manufacturer of infant diapers, makes an adult sized diaper, but these are really hard to find. Now it takes a lot of nerve to go into a hospital supply store and ask for diapers and plastic panties. What do you say when the clerk asks who they're for? "Uh, er, ah, they're for my elderly grandfather," right? Also, many of these places will try to sell you the "new and modern" disposables (giant-sized Pam- pers) and pitch you like a used-car sales- man. "They're so convenient and you don't have to launder them," they'll say. Most hardcore infantilists feel pretty much the same way, when they were babies they wore cloth diapers with wa- terproof, rubber or plastic panties. Dis- posables are a product of the 70s and most of the big babies I know were grown (or at least toilet trained) by then. There are lots of places that advertise big baby clothes. Some are fair to good and some are genuine ripoffs. It's like everything else, though, you pay your money and you take your chances. I've heard good things about "Mommy Car- olyn" (Wardrobes by Carolyn, P.O. Box 183, Melrose, Mass. 02176). Why? Be- cause she's fast and eager to please. She'll even arrange a fitting for custom- ers who visit her shop. There are even clubs for "adult babies." The Diaper Pail Fraternity has been around for years and boasts almost a thousand members (D.P.F Suite 457, Sutter St., San Francisco CA). Adult Baby World put out by N.K. Products (P.O. Box 1184, Teaneck N.J. 07666) also has quite a large membership.
Of course, Nugget has always been a good forum for big babies. More and more frequently, tales of diapered adults and related subject matter have graced their pages. Their classifieds provide means of meeting and corresponding with infantilists. I had to laugh when a renowned California skin mag recently did an "exclusive" feature on the "new" fetish of infantilism. Nugget really was the first national magazine to lead the way years ago. Anyway, people are becoming more aware of this unique fetish and, in the future, it will become the subject of many more essays and stories. But the important thing to remember is, if your idea of a turn-on is going "beddie-bye" with your bottle and dressed in diapers and rubber panties, you're not alone.
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